It’s very much like the saying ‘Always a bridesmaid, never the bride’ or being a fly on the wall.
A community that’s very much just way too cliquey. Certainly very ripe with favouritism.
I always push through all the negative mental health after every competition. Always feeling confident, despite the barrage of not good enough, not confident enough, not flattering for myself at all. No one likes you.
It’s always a constant battle, and one I’m losing at that. I’m done making myself feel shit, trying to pursue something I thought I was good at. It’s also one that I do not wish upon my son, or possible future children.
I don’t know why I do it to myself, but I will be fixing that. As rewarding it is to help charities, it’s also hard when you work so hard, and it’s never recognised. At all, it’s truly soul crushing.
That being said, my son will be keeping one pageant commitment until it’s over then after that, we’re both retiring.
Looking forward it’s all about my education and educational goals.